


Love Like Winter

by soulofevil



Category: Marvel (Comics)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2015-03-25
Packaged: 2018-03-19 15:35:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3615198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulofevil/pseuds/soulofevil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James and Natalia have their last night together before General Karpov puts an end to their relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Like Winter

There was no slow, seductive strip between the two of them, just a manic rush to lose all their clothing, to lose their themselves in the moment. His shirt was tossed to the side, his pants and underwear shoved down and off in one motion before he reached out and touched her. His fingers grazed across the smooth skin of her exposed hip and he let himself enjoy that sight of her for a moment before she was wrapping her hands behind his neck and pulling him forward, their mouths coming together as he kissed her. He would have done anything to make this moment last the rest of his life; the feel of Natalia’s warm body pressing against his, the way her muscles were tight and taunt under her skin, the taste of her in his mouth, the way her smell filled his nose. He wanted this one moment to be burned into his memory for the rest of his life.

But they only had so much time and he was desperate for release. He curled his left arm around her waist, the touch of cold metal making her gasp in his mouth before he slid his arm below her rear and lifted her off the ground. Her arms and legs wrapped around him, holding him tightly to her. He pulled away from their kiss, his breath already coming in ragged gasps before he pushed her up against the wall, using that to hold them steady as he thrusted. He buried his head between her neck and shoulder, muttering in every language he knew how much he loved her, how much he needed her.  
"James."  
He would swear that his name had been made just for her lips. Her voice was soft and husky, almost a purr near his ear. Just the way she said his name was enough to drive him crazy.

He forced himself to think of something else, to do anything in hopes of drawing this out for a little longer. He had come here to end this, to tell her that it was no longer safe for the two of them to keep this affaire up. They were going to get caught and he wouldn't allow himself to be the one to put her in danger.

But oh god, there she was, moaning his name into his ear, her thighs tightening around him. He felt the way her body shuddered against him and around him. Two, three more thrusts into her before he grunted and stilled himself. He leaned heavily against her, keeping her pinned to the wall until her legs slowly unwrapped him from their grip. He didn't want to let her go, he wanted to keep her here for as long as he could. But he didn't want to risk hurting her or leaving marks on her. He easily kept her balanced on his bionic arm and carried her to the bed. He set her down before flopping down beside her less gracefully. He watched her while her fingers traced over the scars that marred his torso. Bullet and knife wounds, the three perfectly round punctures in his side, and of course the puckered scars of where metal and flesh met. 

Words sat heavily on the tip of his tongue as he admired her. He knew what he needed to say to her, knew that this time he had to end it. Every day he came here, his words thought out and practiced, but the moment he saw those blue eyes, or the curve of her hip, or heard her whisper his name, all thoughts on ending this flew from his mind. These moments with Natalia were all he lived for. Nothing else matter but getting another taste of her. He sat up and did just that, cupping the side of her face with his right hand as he kissed her. It was slow and sweet, the opposite of every other kiss they had shared. But he wanted this to last as he tried to build another memory around just the feel of her mouth. She seemed to realize that something was off with him and pulled back.  
"James? Is something wrong?"  
His thumb traced along her jaw while he debated for just a moment before shaking his head and leaning in to give her a soft kiss to her lips.  
"No, just trying to draw this out a little longer. Karpov's been antsy lately and he only gets like that before something big."  
And big things always required the Winter Soldier.  
"Then you should return to your room. If you are sent out then we'll just have to make up for lost time when you get back."  
She gave him a grin that made it difficult to separate himself from her side. But she was right, he needed to return to his own quarters. He retrieved his clothes and pulled them on, hurrying as he double checked to make sure he hadn't left anything before going back to Natalia and stealing one last kiss from her.

He had a stash of fresh clothes between the building Natalia and the rest of the Red Room girls were in and where he was being kept. He made an effort to clean himself up before he headed to his own building, pausing at the front stoop. Cigarette butts had been crushed on the concrete but the smell of smoke still lingered in the air and he could pick up the pungent stench of Karpov's favorite brand of cigarettes. Fuck. He knew he had been testing his luck but he hadn't expected Karpov to show up here personally.

For a moment he was tempted to just bolt. It would be easy to convince Natalia to come with him. They could just run and escape the responsibilities their country had shoved onto them. They could just be James and Natalia, traveling the world at their leisure. Not Winter Soldier and Black Widow. They could pretend that they were normal for once in their life. But not even he could really believe that. They would be hunted down for the rest of their lives, never able to go a day without looking over their shoulder. He couldn't do that to her. He knew what they would do to him, that they would punish him by putting him back in cryo. And how terrible would it be for her? Would she think that he was just on a mission or would they tell all the girls what had happened to him in hopes of luring her out? No, she was smart and more importantly she was good. The Red Room had given her all the training she would need to get past this safely. That was the only thing he could take comfort in, that she would be ok.

He went up the stairs to his room rather than sneaking in through the window like he normally did. He moved slowly and silently, avoiding the stairs that creaked out of habit. Part of him wanted to fight them, to remind them that they were dealing with the Winter Soldier and not some lackie. But that would only insight Karpov’s rage and he would not risk Natalia’s safety for his own pride. If she stayed safe, then maybe he would find her again.

Unlikely but maybe that small hope would make going into cryo a little easier.

He pushed the door to his room open, barely glancing at the two men that flaked it. His gaze instead fell on Karpov who stood near the window. The general turned around, glancing at James before waving his hand to dismiss the other two men.  
“What have you done.”  
“You’ll have to be a little more specific than that sir. I’ve done a lot of things today.”  
He knew he shouldn’t be pushing his luck with Karpov, the man already hated him but he wasn’t going to risk incriminating himself when there was a chance this had nothing to do with Natalia.  
“Have you been fucking around with one of the girls.”  
Balls. There went that hope. And he couldn’t directly lie to the general either.  
“Yes.”  
His face stayed passive, the ever obedient soldier even as his guts twisted themself into knots. He would not give up Natalia. He knew the horrors Karpov would put her through, they would strip her of everything that made her Natalia. They would make her like him, a shadow of whoever he had been before.  
"Which one."  
James stayed silent, his eyes focused straight ahead of him, refusing to make direct contact with Karpov.  
"Soldier. Which one of the girls is it."  
His fist clenched, the nails of his right hand digging into the flesh of his palm. He fought with all his willpower against the need to answer Karpov's question. Her name was on the tip of his tongue and his whole body shook with effort to keep that name to himself. He squeezed his hands tighter, feeling his nails dig and cut into him and focused on that. He would take whatever pain they inflicted on him if it kept Natalia safe.  
"No."  
The word was barely louder than a whisper but Karpov looked like he had been struck before his face went red with rage. James stood perfectly still even as Karpov moved in front of him, the general's fists balled up. He tensed up, waiting for some kind of blow from his boss.  
"You will not tell me who it is."  
Karpov's voice was void of emotion, something that made James more nervous than his rage. He gave his head one shake, not trusting himself to do more than that.  
"Are you in love with this girl?"  
"Yes."  
No hesitation though his words were still soft.  
"And what about her, does she feel the same way?"  
"Yes."  
He didn't have to think about it, just the way Natalia looked at him spoke volumes. Karpov just laughed at that.  
"You know what these girls are trained to do and yet you still believe that. She cares no more for you then she does any other mark. She would betray you in an instant."  
He only shrugged, not believing _that_ for an instant. He had seen Natalia at work, he had seen her with her husband, he saw the way she looked at them, moved around them. Everything was different when it was just the two of them. She didn't say Alexi's name the way she said his.

Karpov watched him closely, his anger slowly ticking up again as he realized he wasn't going to get the answers he wanted.  
"I will rip those memories from you. Every. Single. One. And then I will remind you of everything you have just lost before returning you to stasis."  
James' face twisted with emotions; grief at knowing he was going to lose Natalia one way or another, terror at being so easy to break down, but most of it was anger. Anger at being threatened and manipulated like this.  
"Then do it."  
His words came out in an angry hiss. He never raised his voice to Karpov though, his training kept him from pushing things too far but below the surface he was barely staying in control of himself. Karpov knew it too, yet he seemed pleased by this.  
"Tomorrow soldier, tomorrow. I'd hate to wake all the scientist and drag them away from their families."

Karpov headed towards the door but didn't leave. James could feel the older man's eyes on him and tried to ignore them. He wanted the man gone before he did something he would regret. But Karpov stood there in silence until James finally turned and faced him again.  
"Is there something else you wanted. Sir."  
He spat the words out, his anger boiling again as Karpov smirked at him. He wanted nothing more than to punch the general in the mouth right now.  
"These are the moments I enjoy most. When you are so close to the surface Barnes."  
The name 'Barnes' made him stop, even his anger cooling a bit as it gave way to confusion. He had never been called Barnes before, hell, Karpov only called him soldier or Winter Soldier, never anything so personal as a name.  
"Who the hell is-"  
"Despite how many times we go through this same conversation it never gets old. You get so close to reclaiming yourself before I take it all away from you. This time though, this time I think will be even more enjoyable."  
The general laughed, a sound that sent a shiver up James's back. It was disturbing to realize how much pleasure Karpov got out of his misery. He retreated to his bed as Karpov finally took his leave. Even with the door shut he could hear the muted voices as Karpov spoke with the guards. They would stay here and keep an eye on him. And follow him should he risk trying to make any contact with Natalia.

He wouldn’t. As much as he wanted to try and talk to her one last time he wouldn’t do more then think about it. He laid out on his bed, not even bothering to take his boots off as he stared up at the ceiling. He knew he should have ended things with her. He should have done it months ago when he had feared they were first growing suspicious that he was up to something. But they were young and cocky and they _knew_ they were the best. Karpov had threatened to steal his memories of Natalia from him so he relived as many of them as he could. Sparring matches and missions were as close as they had come to dates. Secret kisses and meet ups in the dead of night had been a majority of their romance. But most often it was the way she said his name that his mind turned back to. The whispered ones, the patronizing ones, those times when he had gotten her to laugh. How could one woman turn a name he had never been overly fond of into the only thing that matter?

He didn’t move until they came for him. There were extra guards this time, as if Karpov expected him to fight against this. He was silent and passive though as they ordered him up to his feet and marched him out. They took the back door, trying to be as secretive as they could as they loaded him into one of the vehicles. They were doing their best to keep this from those in the Red Room. They were training spies though and he hoped that one of those girls would get curious and figure out what had happened. Anyone but Natalia. He knew how he would end up, he didn’t want her to see him like that.

He found himself sitting across from Karpov, flanked by two guards with their guns out and pointed at him. James glanced at the two before looking at Karpov, a faint grin tugging at the corner of his lips for a moment. Karpov and him both knew the guards were there for show, nothing else. He could rip through these two in a mere seconds without much effort. But Karpov trusted the training that prevented him from acting out and James had already resolved himself to not fight. If he stayed passive and compliant, this would all be over with soon. And the sooner it was done, the less likely he was to screw up and put Natalia in danger. 

The ride was longer then James had expected, drawn out by the silence between Karpov and him. He refused to even address the general and Karpov seemed content to sit there smirking at him. James shifted uncomfortably, crossing his arms over his chest as he tried to ignore the way he was being watched. It was unnerving and he could feel himself fraying at the edges as Karpov continued to just inspect him.  
“I will not break.”  
James kept his voice low and in control. He would not let his emotions take over. Karpov just smiled pleasantly at him and stayed silent.

Even when the car came to a stop, Karpov said nothing as the guards escorted him out. James looked up at the warehouse that seemed so out of place sitting in the middle of nowhere with nothing around it. One of the guards gave him a shove to get him moving. The threat of ripping the man’s arm off was on his lips but stayed there as he was lead into the building.  
“This is where you’ll be stored from here on out. Keeping you around has become… risky. You’ll be safe out here.”  
Safe and forgotten about. His jaw clenched as he realized there was a very real possibility that he would be left in stasis for a long time. Frozen in time with no real death to ever end it. His eyes gazed across some of the items there, recognizing a few things as earlier projects that Karpov had been working on. The warehouse had become their final resting place, somewhere off the grid where Karpov’s enemies wouldn’t be able to get their hands on them. And now here he was. James refused to believe he was just another failed experiment, the Winter Soldier had proven his worth time and time again. But this was his punishment for disobedience, a firm reminder that Karpov was the master and he could find new toys.

His brave face faltered for a moment as James saw where they were going. Space had been made for the chair with the cryostasis tank nearby. His breathing quickened a bit as his steps slowed, prompting the guard to give him another shove. From the corner of his eyes, James could see Karpov grinning at his reaction. He would not show his weakness in front of that asshole. It was hard though, just the sight of the chair filled him with dread. His mouth went dry as they came to a stop near it. He could hear a high pitch whine coming from the gadgets at the head of the chair. He shut his eyes and pictured Natalia as the lab techs came and moved him to the chair, taking his shirt off as they started placing electrodes onto his skin.  
“You’re trying to be brave right now. On an instinctual level you know what’s coming. I’m sure you’ll start to promise yourself that this time you won’t scream.”  
Karpov dragged a chair across the concrete floor and took a seat on it next to him.  
“But you will. You’ll scream yourself horse, until your throat is raw and bloody from the effort.”  
It was hard to stay calm with Karpov speaking like that. He kept his eyes shut, trying to pretend that the hands on him were Natalia’s. Hands that were always loving and gentle, not these that were intent on causing him as much pain as possible as they restrained him to the chair.  
“I wonder, if you’re thinking about her, which I’m sure you are, will those memories be taken away first? Or will that be the last thing that’s ripped from your mind? You’ll have to try to remember that for me Barnes.”  
“Please go fuck yourself Karpov.”  
He could hear the rest of the room go still for a moment, few would dare say something so crass to the general. Karpov just laughed though before standing up and James did his best to ignore everything else, focusing on his breathing and trying to keep Natalia’s voice in his memory. He could feel the pinpricks of tears behind his lids as he made a silent prayer _‘just let me remember her voice, just that one thing, please’_.

And then he could hear nothing as the whine of the machine went up a notch before his own screams filled his ears.

He woke slowly, his head throbbing with pain that was replaced with confusion as he tried to move his arms only to find them tied down. His eyes snapped open, wide and panicked, his left arm straining until he could hear the squeal of metal as he started to bend the arm of the chair. He could hear voices but couldn’t focus on them enough to make sense of what they were saying. Motion from the corner of his eye caught his attention and he turned his head in time to see the needle sink into his neck, a pin prick of pain before he felt everything start to go numb.  
“Soldier.”  
Hands grabbed his chin, forcing him to look at the older man addressing him. It still took a moment for him to remember how to work his mouth, his words coming out in a painful croak.  
“Sir?”  
“Do you remember anything soldier? Where you are? Why you’re here?”  
He struggled to open his eyes and look around. His eyes landed on a tank partially filled with liquid, feeling like he should know what that was before shaking his head. Neither the location nor the people were familiar to him and the only thing he could remember was the injection.  
“No, I don’t know where we are. What did they put in me though, what was in that needle.”  
“You’re here to be punished. You disobeyed your orders soldier.”  
His face was an open book to his emotions, unable to hide his shock and confusion at these accusation.  
“What did I do?”  
His words were barely a whisper but the man in front of him only shook his head.  
“You don’t get to ask the questions here soldier. You have no memories of a woman though?”  
His brow furrowed in deep concentration, trying so hard to recall something, anything. For a moment there was almost something, like a breath of air against his ear whispering something he couldn’t make out before it was gone and forgotten.  
“No. I-i don’t remember anything.”  
He bit his lip to stop from asking another question. But the man in front of him seemed pleased by that answer, a large smile rising to his lip. The soldier tried to return it with his own weak one, holding onto it as the man spoke.  
“Good. You are being punished for having a relationship with a woman. When you wouldn’t give her up, we took all your memories of her. Now you won’t even remember her name and she’ll likely never know what happened to you. You simply abandoned the woman you loved.”  
The smile on the soldier’s face faltered as he tried to make sense of what he was being told.  
“Why are you telling me this?”  
He hardly even noticed the disapproving look his question got as one of the doctors came over, finding the vein on his arm before giving him another injection. He suddenly found it hard to keep his focus as he leaned back heavily against the chair he was in. He could hear more then see or feel as the bonds around him were loosened before he was being pulled up.  
“You’re going back into cryostasis for a while. I thought I would give you something to think about while you were in there. A chance to think about what you’ve lost, even if you can’t remember it.”  
His limbs felt too heavy as he tried to struggle against the people moving him towards the half filled tank. The drugs made it easy for them to manhandle him though, as they finished stripping him and got him into the tank, the ice cold liquid taking the rest of the fight out of him. His teeth chattered as they put the face mask over him before closing the tank up. For a minute the only sound was his own teeth and the soft flow of the air from the mask. And then he heard the sound of liquid, something thicker the water being pumped into the tank. The cold slowly rose around him, terror following close behind as he was slowly submerged in the cryo tank.

One by one he was robbed of his senses. The mask hindered his smell and taste, not that there was much of anything but heavily filter air to take in. The fluid stole him of touch, the cold and drugs numbing him until he couldn't even tell if he was able to move his fingers. The cold slowly crept up, forcing him to shut his eyes or risk getting the liquid in them. But even closed, he could still feel his eyes burn. Last to go was always his hearing. Even as his ears filled with cold, he could still hear the sounds of the tank, the air bubbles, the churning of fluid, and the softer thunks of those outside the tank making sure that everything went smoothly. But even those stopped soon enough, leaving the soldier alone with only the cold and his thoughts. And of course his thoughts turned to the woman he couldn't remember. Bitterness welled up in him, and he was no longer sure if his eyes burned from the liquid or from distress that came at knowing he had been robbed of something so important, of someone so vital. Worse though was the misery that followed knowing that he had failed. And it was with that failure weighing heavily on him that he finally slipped into the coma-like stasis.


End file.
